Peeling the Onion

Peeling the Onion
Betsy McKenzie

Self-knowledge is supposed to be exhilarating,
Freeing. Sometimes, I suppose, it must be.
But lately when I peel away a layer and begin
To understand, I find it unnerving, enervating.
Habits of a lifetime, of my birth family
Suddenly classed as tics – I thought we were just
Entertaining ourselves! When you turn a habit
To a disease marker – what a change of mood!
Foot tapping, leg shaking, hand tapping, finger picking,
All my humming and sputtering turn into diagnostic markers!
Ah, woe! A family of wigglers turns into sickness,
And my mind turns to darkness.